The South Will Rise Again?

Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't the Confederate side lose? Do we really need a complete set of generals who led their men to defeat? But it's the sesquicentennial, so who cares? The weird part, as if there were only one weird part, is that it doesn't say how many generals are in this collection. But it does come with a nifty little authentic parchment reproduction of Lee's map and a little book. I don't know if the free gifts are to scale for the fine collectible or to be enjoyed by you, the adult collector.

And no, they do not take Confederate dollars, so don't ask.

Honey, You Are My Shining Star

I have two daughters, and they love crappy jewelry, but even they would prefer I give them $100 to this necklace. Then again, neither of them are big Manhattans fans. Now, if it actually lit up, that would be another story...

Fly for the Cure

You would think fairies would have enough to worry about, with all their flitting around and general mischief making. But this fairy can take time out from her busy fairy schedule to promote awareness about breast cancer. After all, fairies have boobies too. A portion of the proceeds goes to support breast cancer something, maybe research, who knows? Maybe the fairy knows. Maybe if you really care about stopping breast cancer, you should send your money to an actual normal cancer research foundation.

Then again, I doubt they would give you a nifty fairy. Certainly not one with a butterfly mask and heavy metal suede boots. Too bad this mystical warrior can't sprinkle her fairy dust all over breast lumps and magically make them disappear. Or can she?

Thanks to Jeanine H. for this submission.

Masterfully Crapped

American by design, but imported from God knows where. My money is on China. This five inch sculpture would make a great gift for the person who has everything, or maybe for the person who has nothing. Here's how it would go:

A: Here you go!

B: Gee, thanks. What is it?

A: It's a glass tiger!

B: How can you tell?

A: See, it has stripes! It's art glass. Very dramatic.

B: I thought it was a ring holder. Or a chopstick rest. Or a little can opener, maybe.

A: Well, I suppose you could use it like any of those. But it is really a treasure, capturing the beauty of the world's largest cat. See its power?

B: If you say so. I'm not a big collector of tiger art glass.

A: You are now!

No More Excuses

I have been saying for years that I didn't want a dog because I didn't want to pick up one more creature's poop. I guess now I don't have to.

On the one side, I don't think I could proudly walk my dog knowing that it was wearing an ass harness with a plastic bag over its anus. How humiliating, for both the dog and owner. I can't imagine a dog wearing a bag of shit. I would think it would stop walking and chew through it. And does it use any old ziploc snack bag, or are there special ass bags that come with it?

On the other side, look at how big those dog's balls look. That harness really showcases his dog junk.

Thanks to Beth D. for her submission.

Regrets?

This is one of those times when my first thought is so horrible I hesitate to share it. So instead, I will go in this direction:

What does it say about you when you think having a 3 inch newborn baby to carry around and tuck into its little pillow or show off depending on your whim? At that size, you can take it with you where ever you go, bingo night, the Dollar General, or therapy. With your sweet little newborn in your palm, you might be able to talk about what brought you to that place where you thought owning an All Snuggled Up newborn pocket baby would bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Good luck!

Thanks to Jeanine H. for this submission.

Rescue Me

These toys, er, collectibles are kind of cool to look at. Their little doors open. Their little wheels are made of real rubber. But to the rescue? I don't think so. Ford hasn't rescued anything in a long time. Is it any wonder they don't have a little collectible Ford Pinto?

For My Peeps

Remember when we just ate our Peeps? They were chicks or bunnies, and they came in a couple of colors, and you ate two or three of them and left the open box in the pantry until you threw them out on Halloween.

Then Peeps went big time. Why just Easter, when there are other holidays throughout the year to exploit? Halloween Peeps, Christmas peeps, even St Patrick's Peeps. Any holiday is an occasion to eat, and if you're eating, why not abnormally brightly colored marshmallows coated in sugar?

But Peeps, you've reached the big time now. Lenox has immortalized you in fine china and 24 karat gold. Let's hope Granny doesn't chip a tooth on you when she is supposed to be passing the salt.

++++++++++++

And if you really want to take your Easter to new heights, why not indulge in a matching Egg Cup? Because when you take a break from your chocolate bunny and hot cross buns, you might want to indulge in an old fashioned soft boiled egg. But, how to, without the proper equipment?