For Those Hard to Reach Places

Think of all the wonderful ways you can use this thing beyond the dryer. At home high colonics and ectopic pregnancy removals are just the beginning. Also makes a great gift for the morbidly obese and sexually deviant.

I Want to Be Just Like 88

Only 5 easy payments of $25.99! You might not ever be a real NASCAR driver, but at least you can own a doll with a big head that is dressed like a real NASCAR driver. Close enough. Note: This is not a toy nor a retirement plan.

Who Buys This Crap?

I have been looking through coupons and ads in the Sunday paper for years, and have wondered forever who in their right mind would buy this stuff? Weird little preemie dolls, an endless supply of Christmas knick-knacks, jewelry with hidden messages, clothing designed for comfort and convenience rather than quality and appearance. But every week, without fail, new products are offered to replace the ads from the week before. Someone somewhere is buying this stuff, and in sufficient numbers to keep the Bradford Exchange and the Franklin Mint in business.

So, for those of you who are trying to find that gift for that special someone, or, like me, just enjoy the fine print, I happily present to you...CRAPERRIFIC.COM, the website dedicated to all the crappy things you can buy, usually with a minimum charge for shipping and handling. Read, comment, enjoy, but whatever you do, don't send it to me.